I just want to get this straight really quick. Keeping a dog around the house is not even remotely on par with raising a child. Calling it practice is like saying that making tea is practice for running a marathon. Not quite.
Buying a dog and throwing him some food everyday, brushing his coat once a week, and walking him around the block each morning is not at all like carrying a baby in the womb for nine months, birthing the child through a tight space, nursing him 8 to 10 times a day, changing his diapers, doing endless loads of laundry, being amazed at his cuteness, worrying about her health, making important medical decisions, charting growth, contemplating his future, protecting her from wind, cold, and sun, carrying her all day long in your arms or in a sling, buying him clothes, resolving disagreements about child raising, sharing in the love for this new person with your partner, and giving up whatever type of life you used to live before the baby came along.
The only thing that makes owning a dog “practice” for having a kid is that there is some amount of responsibility involved. But really, there is responsibility in a lot of things like, for example:
- growing a house plant
- being a big brother or big sister
- owning a car
- having a job
- having a spouse
These all require at least a little attention and dedication but they certainly don’t prepare you for the ground shaking changes that a baby brings.
So before you say that you and your partner are “practicing” to be parents by getting a dog, maybe you should just say you want a dog, or that you just aren’t ready for a baby yet. It’s less ridiculous and probably a little more honest.
I said that myself before but I think what I meant to say was, I don’t want any kids. What about you, did you say this and did you really mean it?
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October 30, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Great post. It always bugs me when someone says, “I don’t have kids but I have a dog!” and they are serious. You don’t have to wipe a dogs butt five hundred times a day, answer the same question from a dog three thousand times a day, make mulitple meals, worry about nutrition, have picky eaters, tell a dog to get his hand out of his butt. You can leave the house with a dog without worrying about a sitter, or being back early because of school. Or worry about college, high school, middle school, homework and the MILLIONS of other things that you tend to as a parent. To say a dog is akin to a child and actually think it’s true is asinine and insulting.
October 30, 2012 at 9:59 pm
Thank you! We just had dinner with friends who adopted a new puppy. And as I sat there with my 3 month old son in my lap, she had the audacity to say to me “I’m so exhausted, I mean, it’s exactly like having a baby!” I just gave her the old smile & nod.
October 31, 2012 at 7:23 am
I say those kinds of things all the time in jest to my mother. My husband and I got married a little over a year ago and are waiting to have kids. We have two Australian shepherd’s in the meantime, and it drives my mom nuts when I say those kinds of things. It’s absolutely hilarious, but yeah, you can’t just crate your kids when you go out on errands
October 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm
I get asked if I have kids all the time. My response is “no, but I have a cute dog.” I say that because I can’t have children and I don’t want people to feel like assholes for being all up in my business. I completly understand that having a pet is not the same as having a child. I don’t think anyone really thinks that it is. Let me bow down to you for your hardships as a parent. I know my life as a lowly pet owner will never compare.
November 1, 2012 at 6:52 am
Exactly how I felt, reading this, Sarah.
You parents might get offended when we imply that having a dog is anything like (God forbid we don’t know, because we don’t HAVE miniature people) a child. At least a dog is a living, sentient, dependent, CUTE being. How do you think we feel having our pets compared to houseplants? Who gives a shit if a houseplant dies? Yet pet owners spend thousands on the health and well-being of their animals.
I tell people that I’ve got two dogs when they ask if I have kids because: 1. they are the most important thing in my life, next to my husband, so if someone is asking about my family, they deserve a mention, and 2. just because the person is rude enough to pry into my personal business doesn’t mean I should be rude back. I try to be polite, even if most parents have lost that ability with their independence. Anyway, I definitely care more about my dogs than I do about their kids, so they can take their offense, realize that different people live different lifestyles, and sit on it.
PS, “protecting her from wind, cold, and sun” struck me as super random. Pet owners do this too. Just try having a small dog in a place where it’s snowy winter for 5 months out of the year.
November 1, 2012 at 8:51 am
I wanted to echo that when I get questions about if I have children, why don’t I have children yet, etc that my stock answer is to joke that I raised 3 cats and I am a “stay at home kitty mom”. I am changing to subject from something personal to something that I am willing to talk about.
I have helped care for my nephews and of course I don’t imagine for one minute that the two are comparable. I have never heard anyone seriously say keeping pets is similar to raising children but then again I don’t pretend to understand most people.
Just figured I would share why you would ever hear me respond to a question about family/children with talk of my kitties.
November 1, 2012 at 4:23 pm
I never called pet owners lowly. That’s just silly. And Having kids is certainly no basis for worship.
November 9, 2012 at 7:00 pm
You font know the right people. Trust me, they exist and they are legion. Particularly the parrot owners.
October 30, 2012 at 10:34 pm
LOL! I totally agree. Next words of advice- dont get a dog when you are 5 months pregnant, have a 1.5 year old. That’s just practice for insanity. Though I do love that dog but man was it a busy few months, too many things peeing on the floor.
October 30, 2012 at 11:54 pm
Mmm. Not with grownups. A pet is a responsibility but of an entirely different flavour, as they’re both more independent and at the same time more dependent, and they never grow up. They are a part of the family though. Some people underestimate that. But nothing annoys me more than people who love their pets more than their actual children. Christ.
With kids, a case can be made. In the same way that playing with babydolls is parenting practice, and babysitting is parenting practice. Partially *because* pets are so… idiot proof. I mean, not really, but kinda? Eh. I don’t know how to explain that thought.
October 31, 2012 at 4:00 am
I do agree with this opinion, but I found it to be a bit harsh : some of the poeple who say that may be people unable to have biological children and somehow trying to deal with it this way. And they are not going to tell you of their struggle with infertility unless you are very close friend.
Not everyone on this earth who want it can carry a baby. So they may try to confort themselves or illusioning themselves. And except if you’re very close they are not going to tell you why
November 1, 2012 at 4:16 pm
Reality can be harsh, in one way or another, to all of us. Does that mean we should stop talking about things as we see them? Or joking about things we find ridiculous?
We all have our problems and our shortcomings. If we all tried to protect everyone who might be offended, we’d have very little left to talk about. I didn’t mean to be cruel or insensitive, just taking the time to point out something I find funny.
There is a great book on this topic called Politically Correct Bed Time Stories. It’s genius and hilarious satire.
Anyway, there may be some infertile women out there who do delude themselves into believing that their dog is actually their child or who simply don’t understand the difference. But more likely, they consider their dog a wonderful companion and are thankful to have a living being to care for and cuddle with.
October 31, 2012 at 6:37 am
Great post Peggy. I don’t think I ever said it as I didn’t have a strong drive to have children. I now have 3
. It is the hardest job you’ll ever commit to because it’s a heart-opening life-long commitment. Once a parent you are always a parent; 24-7-365, FOREVER no matter what happens to your kids in their lives. Assuming a person is an engaged parent, no other responsibly even comes close to it.
October 31, 2012 at 9:50 am
As a currently-childless woman who adores her dog and cat, I’d like to add to this conversation. From what I can see, having a child is clearly a life-altering experience that cannot truly be described until PERSONALLY experienced. I doubt you’ll find an actual parent who would make the claim that a dog is just like a baby. Many pet owners who say that have obviously not had the life experience of being parents, so why do parents feel insulted when they know the truth?
I think that for many people, having an animal is really the only other time in life when you love and are responsible for a living, sentient being who 100% depends on you for their health and survival; whose love and care enriches the life of the caretaker. That’s all – forgive them their ignorance!
I think most people understand, at least conceptually, that having dog is not equal to having a kid, the same way I truly hope that others understand that having a dog is not equal to “growing a house plant” or “owning a car.”
October 31, 2012 at 12:54 pm
November 1, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Do you think parents are really insulted by those remarks? I don’t, personally, find it insulting, just funny, ignorant, and so common it was worth pointing out.
October 31, 2012 at 10:59 am
I don’t have a kiddo yet but hopefully soon! And though we have a dog I’m sure its nothing similar. It would be great if you said in your post rescue a dog
since there are so many wonderful furballs in need of homes- who needs to throw hundreds of dollars away – save a life instead! Just a thought!
October 31, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Didn’t think of it, surprisingly. I have owned many dogs in my life, all of them rescued…
November 1, 2012 at 8:03 am
Well that’s good news
rescued is the best kind!
October 31, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Owning a dog is different than having a child. You can throw a dog in a carrier and leave them for 8 hours while you work, while a parent has to find daycare and call in if they can’t. You can lay on the couch watching TV and your dog (hopefully) won’t destroy the house, a kid, well they tend to move and move fast. So I agree. Dog’s are easier.
BUT with that being said, I think in a way getting a dog can help you start working with your partner to see how you will raise a kid together. Basically, do you believe in spanking, how do you discipline, can you both be consistent when training the puppy? The truth is, if you are a good dog owner, you will spend hours training the dog, you will get woken up in the middle of the night by a puking dog or a whiny puppy that doesn’t want to sleep, you will pick up dog poo with a bag, you will pay for huge vet costs (and trust me they are costly) and having to stare at dog food trying to find the healthiest brand, can you work with your partner to raise a healthy happy dog that won’t eat your shoes? If you are someone who throws your dog in a yard with some water and food, then you aren’t a very good dog owner in my opinion.
So no, having a kid is WAY different and a LOT more responsibility, but there is nothing wrong with getting a dog first with your partner, testing the waters. It beats rushing into being a parent with someone who you have no idea what kind of parent they are going to be because being a parent is a big deal and so is having kids, it shouldn’t be taken lightly at all.
November 1, 2012 at 3:23 pm
Good theory but I don’t think it’s all that true in practice and may even be irrelevant grounds for a breakup. I for example was a pretty terrible dog owner. My dog was totally the alpha dog. I didn’t really put enough energy into training him and I found his barking insufferable. If my husband used my dog owning skills as a marker for my potential as a parent, I wouldn’t be a parent. But that dog wasn’t my flesh and blood. He wasn’t for life and I wasn’t as smitten with him as I have been with my children. The responsibility wasn’t as real to me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my dog, but I didn’t really get how to care for him. With children, it’s different. I get it.
For some people maybe it’s kind of similar but for many of us it isn’t. And who we are we probably do not even know. I always thought I’d be as bad a parent as I was a dog owner. Turned out not to be the case.
November 5, 2012 at 3:29 pm
I’m the same. I’ve owned animals and was not a good pet owner. I just got bored eventually, and didn’t want to invest the time. Which is why I haven’t owned a pet in 6 years.
But I’m 6 months pregnant and this is soo different. I’m growing this tiny human inside my body, he is a part of me, and I am solely responsible for his well being (and when he is here it will be me and my partner). I already can’t wait to hold him and feed him and care for him. I’ve never felt like this about an animal!
October 31, 2012 at 4:14 pm
Haha I’m totally guilty of this, but hopefully the people I say this to know that I’m mostly joking. I think I’m just terrified with all the unknowns of what my life will look like 5 months from now with a newborn. I have on occasion had to clean up my dog’s explosive poop and vomit though, and it’s at least given me somewhat of a sense of my comfort level with the grossness. And we went out and got a rug and a couch that both clean easily and hide poop stains, so at least we’re better prepared on that score.
Similarly, when we first got our puppy a few years back we had every intention of crating him at night because it’s what we’re “supposed” to do. But neither of us could deal with him whining and crying all night, even though we were supposed to ignore him and let him “cry it out”. So we gave up on that plan, he’s slept at the foot of our bed ever since, and I feel a lot more comfortable about evaluating what works for our family and changing my mind as we go. And when he was a puppy I had to wake up 3 or 4 times a night to let him out because his bladder was so tiny. I got super annoyed with him for a while, and that was just 4 times per night!!! I’m still scared about how sleep deprived I will be with baby maybe waking up 10+ times per night, and I’m afraid I’ll start to get resentful of the situation the way I did with the puppy. But I’m doing everything I can now to prepare myself mentally/emotionally for the nighttime wakings based on the only real experience I have to compare it to at this point. Oh, and I learned through that experience that my husband is a MUCH heavier sleeper than I am, so I’m preparing myself for that too.
So anyway, I guess my point is that I still won’t have a real idea of what it’s like to have a baby until it happens, but I’ll grasp at any little thing I can to help prepare myself mentally.
November 1, 2012 at 3:14 pm
Thanks for sharing. This post was mostly a joke too as I imagine most people are largely joking when they compare the two. Or just not really thinking…
November 1, 2012 at 7:24 am
Comparing child rearing to raising a dog is an extraordinary exaggeration and I think a very common reason people will say this to a parent (I don’t think dog owning/non-parents are saying this to other dog-owning non parents)is a pathetic, but completely natural attempt at finding commonality and human connection. It is a statement that is meant as light-hearted and is probably masking a lot of people’s frustrations that they are not yet parents.
Your post is absolutely spot on noting the disparity between daily and even minute to minute duties of raising a child and following Fido. However, another side of the argument is that there are some common principles behind taking car of anything, namely dogs or kids. (Cat people need not apply as a cat raises their owner, not the other way around). But puppies and babies, dogs and children need attention, patience, persistence, discipline, routine, boundaries, limitations and to know that someone is in charge. It’s an assumption, but it seems that those with well-behaved dogs are more likely to have well-behaved children, if they chose or are able to go down the parenting path. Those with yippy, jumpy, uncontrollable ankle-biters — either their children are doing well at the expense of the dog, or the whole family, fritters included, is one big hiccup of chaos after another.
I have two dogs, both disciplined and well-behaved and my husband and I are trying, with difficulty, to start a family. I think your post struck a cord because I have been telling myself for years that my husband will make a good Dad becasue of how well he ‘parents’ his dog, and I felt I’ve learned a thing or two about being assertive and maintaining a tight ship with “calm, assertive energy and rules, boundaries and limitations” to quote the dog Whisperer. I think raising dogs to prepare yourself for raising kids is a Mr. Miyagi/Karate Kid principle. Danielson wondered how painting a fence and waxing a car had anything to do with winning a karate competition, but the brilliance was that he was warming up and training the muscle groups that perform those moves. Karate is very different from waxing a car, much like parenting a child is different than raising a dog, but the same muscles are used.
I really enjoy reading your blog and have added it on my Favorite list; I adapted the Primal lifestyle about 4 months ago to increase my chance of pregnancy and have found it has alleviated many physical and emotional grievances I had, some I didn’t know I had! I’m glad to have found a group and someone who has valuable opinions and information on living and raising a family Primally.
November 1, 2012 at 4:34 pm
That’s a great point Linda. In that sense almost anything we do can be practice for anything else we do. If you can do one job well and with discipline, you can do any other the same.
My Tae Kwon Do master always says that Tae Kwon Do is practice for life. I agree whole heatedly.
So I was wrong then. Owning a dog is parenting practice!
March 2, 2013 at 11:46 am
I couldn’t agree more! There was a long decade and a half when I wanted kids, but didn’t have any yet. Some of my friends would tell me that I should get a dog, instead, as practice, because that was supposed to somehow convince me that I didn’t want the responsibility of having children. Argh!!!
May 11, 2013 at 1:48 pm
Dear Peggy,
After reading your blog, I have concluded that you must have never been a pet owner, or at LEAST are not a real animal lover.
I’ve had 4 dogs in my life not including the “family pet” we had growing up. With each one of those dogs I’ve experienced nearly all the same things you point out as being unique to child rearing. While I never carried a puppy for nine months I did experience the joy of birth when my first dog gave birth to my second dog Buck. I also grant you that I didn’t have to change diapers for months, but I would have been willing to trade you that for a month of newspaper changing from a pack up pups with an unknown cause of diarrhea.
With every pet I’ve owned I have stood in awe of their cuteness, and honestly, I doubt your child has ANYTHING on a playful puppy in the cuteness department. Let’s face it, most children really aren’t that cute to anyone but their own parents. You can’t say the same for most animals can you?
I have protected my dogs from all kinds of threats and I doubt that my natural instinct to do so is any different than what you feel for your child. I have gone without food for myself to feed a dog. I worry about their future regularly, and have had to make many sacrifices and life changing decisions ONLY for their well-being. A few years ago I felt it was necessary to start my own business at home so that I could comfort a dog with severe separation anxiety. She never left my side for more than a few minutes at a time from that day on for four years until her death. I would make those same sacrifices again without hesitation.
I have spent nights awake worrying about their health, like when Buck developed seizures in his old age due to lymphoma and I, in tears, would have to hold him while he thrashed. I doubt you’ve had to make any more heart-rending medical decisions than the time I had to say goodbye to my girl Jody when the pain from her liver cancer would make her shake in fear, and see the look in her eyes that told you she just didn’t understand why she hurt so much. At least with your children you can explain it to them. With a dog you can only hug them and take comfort that tomorrow when the vets office opens, you will take all that pain away forever.
As a pet owner I feel the same joy at their successes and the same heartbreak from their pain as you do for your child, the difference is that I go through the process about once every 12-15 years. I gain insight and skill with each go-round and each time I have to endure the pain of saying goodbye where I tell myself I can’t go through that again…I know I will. I will because I’m one of those people that thinks of their pet as a member of my family, a best friend, a faithful companion and yes, a “child”. Our mutual unconditional love for each other is really no different than your love for your child.
So before you go about martyring yourself on the cross of parenthood, maybe you should try REALLY owning a pet first before you go about making comparisons. Just say you aren’t an animal lover. Its less ridiculous and probably a little more honest.
May 13, 2013 at 6:17 am
Quite an assumption on your part. I have owned and loved dogs all of my life.