When Parents Go Primal Composure is a Double Challenge

Eliminating favorite foods, adding less favorite ones, eating less, throwing out your tv or just watching less of it, exercising more, rethinking old friendships, searching for new ones, quitting smoking, switching to decaf, trading out beer for wine…

These are all challenges that a switch to the Primal diet and lifestyle may entail. Making so many sacrifices may seem like an insurmountable ascent at times but you know the climb is worth it with your gaze fixed on the horizon. Nevertheless, all the benefits and expectations don’t change the fact that giving up old habits severs well established neural connections in the brain, which can make you feel irritated, confused, and alone.

Your children face this frustration too.

But your children aren’t anchored in the knowledge that fuels you. They aren’t guzzling down theory and science all over the interweb. They aren’t a part of any support groups. They can’t explain to their friends why they are so different. Your children are probably more frustrated by all the changes than you are. They are following you blind through this upheaval and the only one that can assuage their frustration is you, their parent.

While we are on fire with cravings and withdrawal we have to somehow be even more patient and tolerant than ever with our children so that the transition is a positive one. For parents, the Paleo switch is threefold, we must change our diets, our lifestyle, and our parenting habits.

While there may not be loads of books written on the subject of raising children as a paleolithic parent (not yet anyway!) there have been some pioneers who have researched how actual hunter gatherers raised their children. It is definitely not the most scientifically accessible topic as there are not many primitive peoples left on earth to study, nevertheless, conclusions can be formed from the bones and artifacts of ancient peoples as well as the documented tradition of remote cultures of the past.

Attachment Parenting

According to the research of Lozoff et al (1977), Weston A Price’s research of traditional cultures, and many others, throughout human history mothers of infants practiced a type of parenting which we now call attachment parenting. The theory (and in fact the evidence) is that making babies feel safe, loved, warm, and full calms them so that growth and development can thrive.

These traditions have been observed consistently between traditional cultures.

• Children are breastfed for between 2 and 5 years.
• Feeding takes place every one to two hours. When babies are hungry, they eat.
• Babies are carried close to the mother’s body nearly constantly in a sling. This has been the mother’s practice for about 1.5 million years (I will be talking about this extensively in the coming weeks).
• Babies sleep in their parent’s bed. We now call this ancient tradition and, indeed necessity, co-sleeping.
• There is an immediate calming response to crying. Calming babies is not as difficult or impossible as many frustrated parents today believe, as Harvey Karp, author of the happiest baby, has learned in his practice as a Pediatrician.

Many of these practices are in direct opposition to the new psychology driven, western parenting theories. Literally hundreds of parenting books line bookstore and library shelves, but most of them are missing the mark on tradition, which is the only true proof of successful child development. Although, to be fair, there is no doubt that the types of children parents are raising now are different than the children of primitive peoples. Children untouched by civilization didn’t have sensitivities to food chemicals and processed ingredients. They didn’t have tight schedules. They didn’t forfeit moments of brilliance or creativity for sitting in front of the tv. Techniques for raising ill-behaved and unhealthy children will definitely be different from the techniques used to raise happy, healthy, active children. But still in many ways, parenting is parenting and there are some very sound, age-old practices that will help any family succeed.

Benefits of adopting primal parenting techniques

• Breastfed babies often boast a higher IQ in adulthood. Breastfeeding promotes large jaws and straight teeth. It provides immunity to the diseases which the baby’s mother has been exposed. The long chain fatty acids found in breast milk aid in the proper development of the nervous system and retina. Breastfeeding helps initiate deep bonds with the child.
• Frequent feeding offers the reassurance babies need that they are protected and safe.
• When babies are carried next to their mother’s warm body, they sense that they are safe. This guarantee gives them the opportunity to sleep as needed and calmly observe the world around them. The up and down, rocking sensation while mother walks is akin to what the baby felt for its first 9 months in the womb. This is the ideal environment for a baby’s mind to grow.
• When babies sleep beside their mother at night, mom doesn’t have to wake up to breastfeed, which helps keep the mother rested and the baby comforted. When babies are full and warm, they virtually never cry during the night.
• When mothers immediately respond to their babies cries, they are rewarded with confident babies. Babies quickly come to realize that their needs are being attended to and, as a result, they cry less. In the first weeks, babies cry more but as they learn that they are safe and well fed, their cries lessen.

Tolerant Parenting

Parents can extend the practice of attachment parenting to kids as they grow, remembering that parenting is about easing a child’s mind, teaching, listening, and providing the basic needs such as love, food, rest, and warmth. Babies, toddlers, and school age children all have the same fundamental needs. The delivery is what varies. The Aware Parenting Institute offers advice on how to raise children without hitting, through love and tolerance. It is a great resource.

Common parenting MYTHS:

• Children over two don’t need naps. Kids should take naps for the first five years at least. It would be best to make that a life long habit. Naps help to reset the brain’s chemistry, they are calming and they improve memory and learning throughout the day.
• Provide a safe environment. Obviously, to some degree this is not a myth at all but, when carried too far as it often is in American homes, it sets kids up for clumsiness and recklessness. Kids establish balance through climbing and falling. They build necessary fears of dangerous positions and things by exposure to them. Over-baby proofing the house is a often counter productive as kids are not quickly learning the lessons that will eventually keep them safe.
• Hitting put kids in their proper place. Actually hitting creates fear and, while it may be effective in controlling behavior issues on the surface, tolerance is much more effective in the long run as it builds trust and respect. Hitting creates a sort of victimhood and sense of helplessness that carries over into adulthood. When kids are hit, they are momentarily helpless while their parent become an icon of fear. In time, this will lower a child’s self esteem while severing the trust between parent and child.
• Time-outs are effective punishment. Time-outs are kind of like hitting on a more passive level. Time-outs teach children that parents don’t want to listen to their frustration – eventually children will stop coming to us with their problems. It teaches children to suppress their feelings. Listening to a child’s frustration is a much more effective strategy to calm a child. Holding a child who hits gives love and shows the child authority. There are some wonderful considerations in this article detailing the disadvantages of time-outs that every modern parent should consider before throwing kids in the corner.

Some interesting reading:
Does Civilization Make Us Happy
The Primal Parenting Page