When I found out I was pregnant with Maya I was a little afraid to make her acquaintance. You see, I didn’t feel the need for another baby myself – I just wanted to give Evelyn a sibling. Coming from a big family, brothers and sisters were important to me. So, very matter of factly, I planned to give Evelyn a brother or sister.
Once that seed was planted, though, something occurred to me – raising children isn’t a matter of fact, it’s a matter of love. This might just be a problem, I thought to myself. I can’t possibly love anyone as much as I love Evelyn.
I love Evelyn so much it’s just insane. I am in absolute awe of her. I miss her when she’s not around. I want to take her everywhere and show her everything. I think she is amazing.
You can’t do that with two people at the same time, can you?
My reasoning went like this: When you have a partner and you love him/her a whole hell of a lot, well, you usually only have one of them. I mean, you could have 2 or 3 boy/girlfriends at once, but when you start to fall in love you usually narrow it down to just one.
My only experience really has been with guys, not children, so I figured it would be the same – I could only love one. I figured I would never be able to muster up that same kind of love for another child. I feared that the new baby would be the second, lonely and neglected kid and Evelyn would be mommy’s little girl. I felt like I had made a great big mistake in getting pregnant.
I was honestly scared about this so I went to talk to my mom. She had five kids so she must know something about loving many at once. She did, of course. She had even feared it once herself only to find out that she was completely misguided. There is always enough love.
Now that baby Maya is here I find that my mom was totally right! Not only is there enough love but I am doubly full of it. I am so smitten with this child and with Evelyn, it’s beautiful. I am a truly lucky woman to get to feel so much love all of the time.
And to think I never wanted kids…
Have you ever worried about sharing the love and the passion with subsequent children? If you don’t have kids, do you wonder about your ability to love even one enough?